When can you date again as a widow / widower?

When can you date again as a widow / widower?

November 10, 2019

Anyone who has lost a partner (lover) sometimes wonders when it is time to start dating again. The answer is not always as simple as you may think. For example, it makes a difference whether you have lost your partner suddenly or after a sickbed.

In the event of a sudden death you are not prepared for saying goodbye and you usually need some time before you fully understand your new situation. There is unexpected much to be arranged and that takes up the most time in that first period. In that period you mainly live on autopilot and many only realize after a few months that they are now alone.

If your partner dies after a sickbed, you have often discussed the matters to be arranged with each other in the last weeks or months and sometimes also about life after death. Of course you also need time to cope with the loss of your partner, but because you are somewhat prepared mentally you may be able to go through that process somewhat faster.

When does your environment think you can "find" a partner again?

That is a completely different question! Your (children and) family, friends and colleagues go through a very different grieving process than you do. They see you pick up your life again and when you find a bit of rhythm again, they soon find that you "get through it well". That is something very different from being able to imagine that you would meet a partner again. In addition, they regularly express an opinion such as: "It is too early, it does not belong yet, think of the children, etc." Quite often such a comment indicates that the person who says that cannot yet get used to ( or thought of) the idea that you will find a new partner. But of course there are plenty of examples of family members and friends who can put themselves in your situation and want to open up to talk to you about it and to live with you when you meet someone.

You will therefore understand that an exact number of weeks or months cannot be specified. If it feels good to you, it is your time to open up and perhaps also to actively look around. That you will think enough times, "Am I doing this right? Do I want this?" This is part of the entire process.

You make it easy for yourself and the people around you by indicating as clearly as possible how you feel and where you stand in your processing process (and later your meeting process). You offer your family and friends the opportunity to grow step by step towards the meeting of your new partner and you do not suddenly present them as an accomplished fact.

Because it is not easy for everyone to find a new love after losing a partner, special dating sites have been developed for widows / widowers. On these sites they can then come into contact with other people safely and discreetly, who are also looking for a new love, without actually coming into contact with each other (physically). After exchanging a few messages and you notice that there is a click, you can then take the step to physically meet.


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